i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
