He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Will exercising make me less horny?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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