He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize