eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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