you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
