1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
