I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
