You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
