the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
