so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
