I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
