I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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