Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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