She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
