Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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