this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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