Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
