I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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