Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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