You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
