Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
