my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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