Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
