I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
