she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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