i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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