So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
