Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
