the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
