Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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