Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
