did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Text me some of your sweat
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