I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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