the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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