He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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