No stitches, just platelets and will power
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
