Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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