I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
