I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize