The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize