therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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