I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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