So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
