woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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