I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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