I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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