She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
