You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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