Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
