This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
