I just pynch a tree in the face
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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