Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
