I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
