Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
