is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
