highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
