He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
