i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
