I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just gargled with NyQuil
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
