Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
