I love black thongs
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
