please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
