ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize