Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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