Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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