I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
